1. Your head nodding
and shaking has got all messed up
Bulgarians nod for no and shake for yes. Of course they do!
They couldn’t possibly do it the same way as the rest of the human world. We started doing things the Bulgarian
way early on, in an effort to fit in, shaking our heads to agree with people,
nodding smartly to say no. And it’s a habit we’ve kept up. Trouble is, often in
the space of the same conversation, my old habits always kick back in.
This means a typical conversation may go something like
this:
Bulgarian: This funny thing happened yesterday. Isn’t that
funny? Hahaha.
Me: *Shaking my head and smiling* Yes, it is. Hahaha.
Bulgarian: Do you want some juice? DRINK SOME JUICE.
Me: *Shaking my head and frowning* No, I don’t want any
juice.
To further confuse matters, many young people do the English
head movements as standard. Clearly, it would be better for everyone if we all
just kept our heads still all the time. But you try keeping your head still in
a conversation. It’s impossible. Most of the time I just end up moving my head
in a big confusing circle as I ping between rest
of the human world and Bulgarian head movements.
2. You clap when the
plane lands
I still don’t really understand why Bulgarians do this on
planes, but it’s the nicest thing ever. It makes me pleased to be among them
and I’ve been joining in for years.
3. You’re no longer
shocked by bad driving
I used to be surprised when I saw people reversing up the
motorway because they missed their exit. I used to be surprised when faced with
an oncoming car overtaking when there clearly wasn’t time to do so. I was
definitely surprised that time the car in front had a mattress on the roof, and
it wasn’t tied down, it was just being held in place by all four passengers,
who each had a hand up out of their window, including
the driver. But, somewhere along the way, I just stopped being surprised.
As Seth Meyers said of the first couple of weeks of Trump’s presidency, ‘the
part of me that can be surprised is dead.’
So, just before Christmas, when we saw an empty car rolling
across two lanes of traffic and into a field, being chased by a man who had
clearly left his handbrake off* while stopped on a slope, we just shrugged and moved on. Standard.
*Use of handbrakes appears to be optional in Bulgaria. I even
heard of one person having 30 driving lessons in Bulgaria and never once being
taught how to use the handbrake.
4. You develop a
taste for pickled vegetables
Seriously, some crunchy pickled carrots and cauliflower
before dinner, with a wee nip of the neighbour’s rakia (the only rakia I can
stomach) or a whiskey, is a great way to start a meal. No? Just me?
5. You see people
with weapons and think nothing of it
The first time I saw someone walk by our house with a gun it
was September 2011. We’d only been here for a month and it terrified me. Now,
we don’t think anything of it when we see people walking around with shotguns
and big axes. They’re just off hunting or collecting dead wood. Nothing to see
here.
6. You eat whatever
is put in front of you
Because it’s easier than explaining that you don’t eat
it/don’t like it/already ate a big meal five minutes ago. Over the years, this has
included me eating fish (I hate fish), that time Rob and I had to eat really
soft pasta with cheese and sugar for
breakfast, and a vegetarian friend eating lamb’s head soup (she definitely
wins).
7. You get used to
people telling you to dress warmer
Look, in winter it’s very cold and we dress accordingly.
But, on a nice spring day, I may want to go out in just a jumper. Where is your coat? Bulgarians will cry.
Why aren’t you wearing a coat?!! The
locals seem to wear their coats until the beginning of June (by which point it
could be 30 degrees). Then they put them away until the beginning of November
(it’s not uncommon to have 20C days in November). It’s that simple. When Rob
goes out on a warm November day in a t-shirt or flip flops, I now refuse to be
seen with him. It’s not worth the stares and comments.
8. You get a bit
weird about paper napkins
When our (significantly younger than us) Bulgarian teacher
told us she collected paper napkins, I thought she was a bit mad. But, no, it’s
a real thing in Bulgaria. I just read the marvellous Street without a Name, about growing up in communist Bulgaria, and
the author also had a prized napkin collection. Obviously, I’m talking about
pretty, patterned paper napkins, not just plain napkins in a pack of 100
(although, if those float your boat, I won’t judge).
Apparently, one of the previous Guinness World Record
holders for the largest paper napkin collection was a Bulgarian woman, and
she’s got about 40,000. The current record holder, if you’re interested (why
wouldn’t you be?), is a German lady with 125,000 napkins. I currently own about
20 napkins, all of the same design and all from Ikea, so I don’t think that
counts. But I certainly put a lot of thought into choosing them.
9. You own several
pairs of these beauties…