This week’s news: I’ve still got a cold. My ears are so
bunged up, I greet everything Rob says with a loud ‘What??’, which I’m sure he
finds thoroughly charming, even after 10 days. I’m still coughing up interesting things, too. All comedy has
been banned after this spoof trailer sent me into a coughing fit that lasted
longer than the trailer itself. Every night my lungs wake me up – actually wake
me from my sleep – with the sound of their rattling.
On the plus side, it gives my health anxiety something real to
get its teeth into. You know, instead of the usual (wholly imagined) ailments.
I’m one of those annoying people that, as soon as I hear about an illness, I
convince myself I’ve got it. Whenever I have to work on medical content, I
start exhibiting the symptoms I’m reading about. I can’t watch health
documentaries anymore, or any of those awful Channel 4 programmes (The Boy with
Eight Legs and that sort of thing), because I’ll convince myself I’m in the
early stages of Eight Leg Syndrome or whatever. I’m that sort of person.
I never used to be like this, though. I used to be really
slack about my health. When I was a teenager, I had an infected body piercing
and I just IGNORED it. Oh well, I
merrily thought to myself, that’ll
probably clear up by itself. Now, how can I get Liam Howlett from The Prodigy
to marry me? And you know what? It did clear up by itself. Well, after
several weeks. If that was now? I’d be obsessively Googling infected piercings
five minutes after getting the piercing and checking myself into hospital at
the first sign of pus.
Nowadays, a tiny pain in my calf is deep vein thrombosis
(especially if I’ve flown anywhere in the last week. Lord, I’m a nightmare
after I’ve flown anywhere). A headache is a tumour. If I forget a word, it’s
early-onset dementia. Toxic shock syndrome, MS, meningitis … I’ve imagined I’ve
had it all at one point or another. Working in the garden the other day, I accidentally
jabbed myself in the finger with AN ACTUAL RUSTY NAIL and it was like
Armageddon.
Maybe it’s an age thing. I don’t know. But the good news is
I don’t have tetanus. *Checks jaw isn’t locked* No, I definitely don’t have
tetanus. Yet.
Speaking of soil-dwelling bacteria that can kill you, the
garden is coming to life. Our first crocuses are flowering (a delight, as I’d
forgotten we’d planted them), along with the primroses. And the alliums,
peonies, hollyhocks and aquilegias are starting to emerge from the ground. In
the veg garden, the rhubarb is poking through and seems to have survived our
dividing it last autumn. Garlic, asparagus and chives are also popping up.
More primroses. |
Crocuses refusing to open today due to the crummy weather, but I promise they looked very pretty yesterday. |
We'll be eating rhubarb crumble in about two weeks' time. |
The weather has been a bit mean to us, though. After a week
of glorious spring weather, we’ve just had several days of heavy rain, sleet
and a touch of snow. So, we’re back to being indoors by the fire instead of outdoors
getting the garden ready for this season. We managed to weed and get a fresh
layer of compost on the veg beds while the weather was still nice. And Rob has
pruned the grape vines. But that’s about all the outdoor gardening we’ve
managed so far. Indoor gardening is kicking off nicely, however, and our
bedroom is slowly turning into the usual seedling factory.